Train Up a Child

Parenthood

The last year I think I’ve learned more about parenthood than all of them combined, primarily because I’m no longer a full-time parent and have become a working parent. I went from being almost completely in the driver’s seat, to backseat driving, to letting my dearest husband take the reins. I’m proud of the parent he’s becoming. Most of you don’t know this, but a year ago he swore he was not the “stay at home dad” type. We started with daycare and due to some unforeseen circumstances and situational events, he became a full time stay at home dad AND he’s good at it. He wouldn’t give it up for the world. He’s taught me some things; I’ve let him in on a few secrets and learned how to let more than a few things go. It’s working! He’s filling in gaps I could never fill and rounding out things I began and together we’re both growing. It’s awesome.

Values Matter

Let’s start this one with a scripture quote, one we are all familiar with since Mom used it often:

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

My first thought: Whoever wrote that never had a teenage daughter who wanted to get a nose piercing or an adult with tattoos ;). But there is truth underneath it yet. The CORE values we teach our children stick with them through adulthood. The day to day personalities or hopes we had: don’t. Our children are going to be their own people, individuals. This is how it should be.

As parents, much of what we take issue with is on the surface, and is always in flux. These elements do not define our children at the core but are merely components of a complex puzzle.

As I’ve watched my daughter join the ranks of adulthood, I’m often left scratching my head at her behaviors or choices and they certainly aren’t always what I hoped for her, just as mine are not what my parents hoped. But at the core, I’m proud of the person she is. She is kind and giving, loving to her peers, and loyal. At the core of her being the values she was taught, stuck. Just as the core values my parents taught stuck, and so on and so forth.

Most importantly here is to lead by example. Our children pick up on even the subtlest of behaviors and cues. If we do not believe in what we teach them or practice it ourselves; neither will they.

Mistakes Happen

Raise your hand if you’re perfect and never ever made a mistake as a parent.

No hands? Anybody?

Right, we’re not perfect. We’re far from it. The difference in my parenting style from my first one to my last is STAGGERING and I’m still learning and adapting. I’ve made loads of mistakes, some big and some small. I hope I’ve learned from most of them but I know I’m not done making them.

I LOVE this quote:
“Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.” – Russell Baker

I don’t WANT my children to turn out like me or become me; I WANT them to become better. I want them to take all the knowledge I’ve amassed and shared and improve upon it. I want them to take the pieces that were useful and toss out all the ones which weren’t.

AND – here is the really important part.

I WANT THEM TO FAIL.

What? Fail? No, no, no that’s just not right our kids need to be successful.

Yes they do, but in all things balance. You cannot know success without failure. Some of my most important and most memorable lessons were learned when I failed at something or made a big mistake, as I’m sure each and every one of you can recall a struggle which strengthened you as a person.

It’s okay to let your kids fail, it’s okay to let them make mistakes. That’s how they learn. The bigger the mistake, the bigger the lesson.

It is VERY hard to watch our kids squirm and flounder through life and not want to fix it for them. But we shouldn’t, we mustn’t do this. They need to do it for themselves so they can learn the skills they need to pass on to their kids, and so on and so forth.

I remember when one of the younger boys was a baby. He was floundering on the floor WAILING because he scooted himself backwards into the wall and had not yet figured out how to move himself forward. So, big sister (me) naturally grabbed him by his arms and pulled him back to the middle of the floor. Mom immediately scolded me and while I was shocked for a minute, her words rung true. “If you always do it for him, he’ll never learn to crawl forward on his own.”

Our kids have to crawl, the walk, then run and they have to struggle through all of it, sometimes wailing and screaming along the way. We as parents, have to watch anxiously from the sidelines giving gentle coaxing and encouragement along the way.

Popcorn anyone? It’s bound to go into overtime most days….